Higher Conciousness

So i've hit this road block in my life, i've actually hit it many times before, only now i'm awake and can finally do something about it. There are so many things I want to know and spiritual practices i want to master and so far I have not found anyone willing to pay me to just live my life. I think that should be a job, just living. I want someone to pay me to mess up and pick myself back up again, to drink and forget and remember to never do that again, to love, get my heart broken and somehow find the strength to do it again, and to do all those things that teach you valuable lessons in life that you forget as soon as you've moved on, without even realizing those things add up to your life journey as a human being. What if i said i wanted to read, eat raw food, dance, meditate, be a life coach, learn the power of crystals, shop, have an organic garden, love, hike, recycle, save the rainforest, go to Agape, become more myself everyday and continue on a path to higher conciousness, would anyone pay me to do that ??


The better question should be, do all those things make up who i think i want to be?? If i did do all those things would they make me happy?? Maybe being un-attached to the outcome is the real answer, just being present and going with the flow of life.


I believe in energy. Raw, full of zest, pungent, good, organic pure energy. The kind of energy that brings tears to your eyes without you even knowing why, makes your hands shake and your voice all squeeky. You get glimpses of this on your wedding day or performing on stage, winning a prize and making love for the first time. What would it take to live with that feeling everyday all day?? To embody that feeling ?? To understand that it's not just a feeling but a way of living and a state of being. To understand that this is what "heaven on earth" is. Who doesn't want that kind of steady, calm peace within ??